At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
