He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize