See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize