sarcasm needs its own font
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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