i love accidental penises.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
