I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
