Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
