dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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