It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
