I faked an abortion last night.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
