So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
