..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
