I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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