I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
