YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
