U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
