Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've blown a few things in my day
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
