this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
