I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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