we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
