Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
