her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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