i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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