2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
