We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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