is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
