That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
