Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
third nipple confirmed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
