No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
