meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
