also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
