I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
