she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
