Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
