Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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