Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize