all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
