I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
