Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
