i think my tv is drunk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
