Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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