I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
