Need sex. Gaining weight.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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