The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
