dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
