My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
