Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
