I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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