I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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