i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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