i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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