Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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