Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
