Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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