I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
