The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
