Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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