I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
