My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
