ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
