maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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