just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
