Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
