So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
