You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
