I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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