I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Every concussion has its silver lining
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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