Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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