Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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