I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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