Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
