i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
