Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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