We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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