the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
