DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
